If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
