The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
farters have to be the big spoon...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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