Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
