Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
