i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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