i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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