I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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