We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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