Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
