Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
