it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
