I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
