Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
