Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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