Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
