Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
