dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
