Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
