I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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