WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
