Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you would pick up someone in the library
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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