Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
