You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
