I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
