So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
