I have demons in me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
