In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
