I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
