why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
