omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
MIDGETS
????
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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