I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
