I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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