if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
