Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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