3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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