Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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