I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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