Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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