Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Randomize
