none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
