Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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