It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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