watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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