Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
