i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
