In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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