If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
