I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
