I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
