There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
